justin went crraaayzzaayy at 11:02 PM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

ok... i havent been blogging in a very long while.. i was just reading my old posts.. and then i thot to myself.. "i USED to have a life".. haha.. actually.. that wasn't funny..

since entering NS.. i feel like i have changed.. i dunno for the better or for worse.. i realise that i have gotten more boring.. more quiet.. less corny.. less funny.. less justin... i feel like there's something missing in my life, like the enthusiasm i used to have is now gone.. i miss those daes where i can stay up late talking on the fone.. and go out the whole dae.. and go clubbing.. and just go chill somewhere with my friends..

is this the changing point of my life that all these older folks have been telling me all my life? coz if it is.. den it started without me knowing... which i hate.. i hate stuff happening without me knowing..

i am currently in search of something i've been missing out on for the past many many years.. but i have mixed feelings about it... nvm...

i was on leave today.. woke up at ard noon... didn't noe wad to do.. so i logged on msn.. saw fad online.. chat for a while.. that was when i kinda realised i didnt have the gusto i used to have.. i don' know if its me that has changed.. or that the ppl ard my have all changed all at one moment in time.. it feels like the ppl ard me have stopped being amused by me... i cannot even carry on a conversation without pauses.. i laugh less than i used to.. i feel more sentimental than i used to... im feeling down now.. i dunno why... one of the things that come with growing old i guess..

the whole day todae i did nothing.. what a waste of time.. i could have done at least something... something productive.. i went to the library.. wanted to borrow 'the catcher in the rye'.. but it wasnt available.. so i got the malay version.. 'wira ladang'.. i got home.. started reading.. den i got bored.. so i called a few of my friends... ALL OF THEM DIDNT PICK UP THE FREAKING PHONE!!!... i don't really blame them.. but it really made me think.. of wad i used to do at times like these.. i used to have someone to call.. to talk to.. to disturb.. or at least to tell that im bored... now i don't..

maybe i need someone to be there for me emotionally.. maybe that sould be my priority in life.. i didnt think for a moment since i entered NS that i'd feel down.. coz i thot i'd be so damn bz... but its times like these that test me i guess.. i suddenly feel vulnerable to stuff so stupid.. i need someone... yeah.. i do...

cheers....